Bachelors Vs Spinsters

‘Why is it that society always talks of bachelors as cool fashion icons while spinsters are always spoken of as nuts?’
A member of my office put this profound viewpoint forth during one of our discussions that cover universal topics ranging from Ekta Kapoor’s crappy serials to the Gujarat riots. This point-blank question from one of our colleague left most of us stumped. It was quickly sidetracked, and we moved on to ‘more relevant topics’, like how many of us could cook (barely 10%) or why we thought India was justified in being secular.

Nevertheless, the observations opened up a new line of thought for me. She was right, of course. The word that goes hand in hand with ‘bachelor’ is ‘eligible’. Try compounding that with ‘spinster’ and you’ll have a stand-up comedy joke of your own.
Unfortunately, our creative spin-a-yarn machines (also called ‘writers’) haven’t helped the case at all. Bachelors in stories are usually fat and cheerful, jolly and rich. But they’re still eligible. Spinsters, on the other hand, are usually characterized as being grouchy and ugly, with quick tempers and quicker tongues. In books, a girl is always terrified at the prospect of dying ‘an old maid’, but which boy ever had nightmares about remaining a bachelor all his life?
Closer home, you can’t help thinking of Akshay Khanna dancing to the tune of ‘I am a bachelor’. Next, think of all the unmarried middle-aged aunty-like women trotting around in Yash Chopra’s films. No prizes for guessing whom you would like to hang out with. Also, Bachelor parties are the coolest bashes under the sun after Siberian polar bears’ rendezvous, but who ever heard of ‘spinster parties’? (not to be confused with ‘ladies’ night’, which is something entirely different).
In recent years, the so-called ‘singletons’ have apparently invaded lifestyles all over – they shun rules, do not believe in the institution of marriage, work, drink, smoke, and run faster than P.T. Usha when they hear the word ‘responsibility’ – so, basically, they’re teenagers masquerading as grown-ups. Anyway, getting back to the subject, this broad category of singletons comprises members thirty-five years of age or younger, after which, there is a parting of ways yet again, into (what else?) bachelors and spinsters.
Older (and wiser, they claim – ha ha) friends of mine tell me that the difference in men and women’s reproductive abilities is responsible for this discrimination. All I have to say to that is, the next time you look at a bachelor, picture the green-slimy thing that H.G. Wells once described in his book titled ‘The War of the Worlds’, which will soon be coming on the big screen as well.

Men are from Mars, after all. Remember?